I still exist.

My blog has been severely neglected over the past week—this I know.

This is not a complaint in any shape, form, or fashion, but I have been busy.  Super, super busy.

But, I’m also happy. 

In July, when he-who-shall-not-be-named left and when my suspicions about certain things were confirmed, I honestly never thought I would be okay again.  Ever.  There was no light at the end of my tunnel, and I thought that my life, as I knew it, was completely over. 

Ha.

When I think of who I was at the beginning of 2011 and compare it to who I am now, it blows my mind.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I would go weeks without laughing. The people who have cared about me and loved me for years, I pushed them as far away as I could.  I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with my life and my marriage (hindsight is 20/20, huh?), so I assumed that the way I felt, that was just real life and I needed to grit my teeth and accept it for what it was.  

Thank God I was horribly mistaken.

I work three jobs.  I hardly have time to breathe, but I’m completely fine financially. Though I may moan and whine a little bit, I look forward to going to work every single day.  That’s real life.

I’m taking care of myself.  After 9 years, I have finally quit smoking.  Within the past two weeks, I have lost over 10 pounds, simply by eating healthy foods and forcing myself to be active.  I still have 20 more pounds to go, but I already look better than I have in years.  I feel so much better about myself, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m starting to regain a little bit of the confidence that was stripped away from me.  That’s real life.

I have best friends again.  Don’t get me wrong… the last year or so of my marriage I still had friends.  But I kept everyone at such a distance, simply because I was so embarrassed about the truth of my situation.  Now, I have again allowed myself to have the type of friends who I can call while sobbing hysterically and having a complete and utter come-apart, and I know that they will still love me and think I’m awesome.  I have the kind of friends who know how inappropriate and crude I can be, and they think it’s totally okay. Actually, they kind of expect it.  Ha.  And most importantly, I have the kind of friends who have absolutely no qualms about calling me out when I put my head up my butt and try to shut everyone out.  That’s real life.

Last May, I was grasping for any straw that I could in order to save my marriage.  I think I knew deep down that I was fighting a losing battle, but for my own peace of mind I had to pour every last ounce of myself into trying to make things work.   This May, I will be living in Florida, 15 minutes from the beach, with my favorite people.  If everything goes as planned, I will be skinny, tan, and ridiculously happy. Ha.  Yes.  Sometimes I can hardly believe it, but that’s real life, too. 

It’s amazing how much can change in a year.  It really, really is. 

And it’s even more amazing that the most painful thing that I have ever experienced has become one of the absolute best things to ever happen to me.

I will try to get back in the habit of blogging more frequently.  Really.  I will.

Until next time folks… good day.