The people in my office like to keep the temperature in the mid-70s. I have complained about it every day for the past year.
Usually, I prefer room temperature to be in the high 60s. Anything above 70 and I start to feel all hot and muggy and like I can’t breathe. Seriously. I absolutely cannot stand to be hot.
Today, I took a stand at the office. I marched down the hallway through the sweltering 74 degree heat and firmly pressed the down button on the thermostat until the magic number appeared…
Oh the bliss that is 68 degrees.
Usually.
I am absolutely freezing right now. My fingers feel like icicles and I can’t feel my toes.
A few minutes ago my friend Katie sent me a text message that made me laugh so hard I shot lemonade out of my nose. It was frozen solid by the time it hit my keyboard and monitors.
Okay. Not really. But it would have been a heck of a lot easier to clean up that way.
It is so cold in here that I have resorted to wearing lipstick. I never, ever wear lipstick. But today, it is totally necessary. Not only is it making my lips look colorful, moist, and pouty, but it is also completely hiding the fact that my lips are indeed a scary, deep shade of blue.
Another girl in the office just came up front and asked me “Are you not freezing?”
I can’t admit that I feel much as I imagine Jack felt as he was listening to Rose promise him that she would never let go. He froze to death in the icy waters of the Atlantic. I am going to freeze to death surrounded by office equipment.
Maybe some big-shot Hollywood producer will hear about my story and make a billion dollar blockbuster film about my horrible and untimely death…
In response to my coworker’s question, I simply smiled (really it was more like I was gritting my teeth so that she couldn’t see that they were chattering uncontrollably) and said, “Of course not. I think it feels great in here.”
Jesus, forgive me for lying.
Good day. And Goodbye. Forever.
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